Why is it every time we break up with someone, it seems like the breakup has to be messy, that someone has to “blow it up” so that it is easier to walk away? That seems to be the norm rather than the outlier. It’s like we have to make breakups ugly or even vindictive so we can sever that tie, so there is closure.
Whether a romantic relationship is ending, a friendship is coming to a close, a family member is walking away, a job is ending, we will scream, yell, and fight. We will cry. We lash out. All rational thought flies out of the window and we succumb to this idea that the end of a relationship must be fraught with this unpleasant feeling of disgust and contempt.
Why? Why does the end of a relationship have to be so bad? Sometimes things have to end so something else can begin; something better, something more fulfilling. What’s that old saying? “When one door closes, another one opens.” Look, I am not saying ending a relationship isn’t hard. Of course it’s hard. It’s filled with emotion and pain. But, don’t let it turn you into an angry, irrational “child” that cannot control their emotions. Don’t let it steal your dignity, your heart, your soul.
In family law, we see people going through one of the most difficult life events they will ever face in their lifetime. Whether it’s a divorce, a legitimation against your former partner, a custody action against your soon to be ex-wife or ex-husband, or a fill in the blank against someone you love/loved, you are working through significant emotions embroiled in litigation and fighting for things that you passionately care about. And we get that. We understand, we sympathize, and, more often than not, we empathize with you. Many of us at the Firm have been through something similar.
But, this too shall pass. Don’t succumb to an urge to damn it all and make a mess of things. You have to remember, when you are going through a family law matter and in litigation, the eyes of the Court are upon you whether you are actually in a court room or not. Every breath you take, every move you make, every bond you break, every step you take, the Court will be watching you. So remember to be the adult in the room. Mourn the loss of your relationship, because it is a loss. Mourn it appropriately. But remember, be the rational one, the one the Court takes seriously. This will go along way in your case and in your life.
In the immortal words of Elsa, “Let it go, let it go.” Seriously, let go of the hatred and disgust. Let go of the anger and distrust. Let go of the relationship and the negative emotion that is coming from the end of the relationship. Find your new path, your new journey, and embrace it.
There are much better days ahead.