Tonight’s post on divorce and compromise is the first offered by one of our newest family law attorneys, Naomi Lumpkin.
Usually, when people think of divorce, they think of war. Their spouse becomes their enemy; the one they loved has become the one they hate. But know this: “My way or the highway” is a road no where in divorce.
Divorce is not about a winner or a loser. It is about recreating two lives that were once joined but need to learn to operate again as individual ones. It is about creating an agreement that is reasonable and fair. What it is not is a competition.
As divorce attorneys, so many times in our career we hear, “I am not agreeing to anything that she wants” or “He took the car, I am keeping everything else.” Emotions run high and logic flies out the window. When it is hardest to think of the other spouse’s feeling and wants, that is probably the most important thing to do. The time and the energy spent on proving your are right inevitably creates more problems and fewer solutions.
Besides the pervasive emotional aspect of divorce, think of the financial burden that follows. A $3,000 simple divorce can spiral into a $30,000 divorce based on drawing that unchangeable line in the sand. Think of all the different ways you could spend that money rather than fighting over trivial matters. A Caribbean vacation is a lot better tonic to move beyond marriage than a protracted divorce.
Our goal at the Manely Firm is to work with you in an attempt to come to an agreement that is in your best interest, an agreement that allows each party to move on and enjoy their lives. Agreements are not always possible but starting a case with a fair and achievable end goal in mind sets that case up for success and creates a much stronger possibility of a settlement in the long run.
Before we keep fighting over the toasters and lamp shades, take a step back and get back to the basics of what is important in your life. You have three options dealing with divorce. It’s your way, or the highway or the road traveled in between. The choice is ultimately yours.
I’d choose the Caribbean vacation.