In my last post, last week, I addressed the lack of wisdom in putting your head in the sand. The better choice is to draw a line in the sand. Now, hopefully, you’ve employed a calm period in your day to assess where you should most logically draw a line in the sand, “This I shall not endure.” Or, as the Big Lebowski expressed it, “This aggression will not stand, man.”
Now, let’s assume that the other has crossed that line in the sand. You have honored your promise to yourself and have acknowledged that the line in the sand has been crossed. You have made your stand. A decision has been made. Now, what action should you take?
Let’s explore the most obvious option: a violent response. By violent response I mean a response that involves some assertive, physical action whether it is directly to the other who crossed the line or to their surrogates or to their property. Let’s assume that the other or their surrogates have taken violent action against you first.
There are many lessons we can draw from here. One, in our culture it’s the most obvious: “You have heard it said ‘an eye for an eye’ but I say unto you, if someone strikes your right cheek, turn and offer them your left.” (I probably paraphrase.) I love the peace of this statement but I think it needs a lot of explanation and assistance. “Thank you, sir. May I have another,” doesn’t sit well with me. It isn’t exactly putting your head in the sand because turning the other cheek is an action; it is even an assertive action. It is also an action that makes it more likely that you get beat up.
Jesus had a lot to offer. Ghandi and Dr. King followed up on that approach. I’ll get to that a bit later.
So, there is one end of the spectrum. What about the other? How about you meet violence with violence? How about you strike back?
Here’s the rub. Unless you strike the other down such that they cannot rise again, they rise again. Violence begets violence, true enough. And, unless you resoundingly win the battle you will surely lose the war. Usually, someone who strikes first is more motivated to do physical harm and more likely to inflict more damage than the recipient of the first blow. Usually, the other is more and better armed than us. Usually, they’ve either studied violence or fantasized about violence so much that they are better prepared for the dance. And they are already leading.
Unless you fight to win, and by win I mean annihilate the other side, you lose. Can you annihilate the other side? Do you want to? Or is either or both more iffy? Unless your analysis ends with a “yes and yes” to these questions, don’t strike back. It doesn’t end well. And remember that even if your answer is “yes and yes,” there is still a good chance that it won’t end well.
I’ve already ruled out staying around to get beat up. The next choice is not staying around. Leave. Move. Slip out the back, Jack and get yourself free.
Can you? In family law situations, you certainly can. Regardless of the downside of heading out the door, the downside is better than staying where you are being beaten. Even if you have to escape without the children, leave. It is like the oxygen mask in the plane. (Please talk to a family law attorney in the process. There are many things that we can do.)
What if your circumstance isn’t family law related. What if it is cultural or nationally related? What is the efficacy of leaving?
We’ll address that next time.