The holiday season is often regarded as a time of joy and togetherness. However, for newly divorced or separated parents, it can bring about challenges, particularly when it comes to co-parenting. Balancing the needs and schedules of children, ensuring fair visitation, and managing emotions—especially when the act of uncoupling is fresh—can be difficult. However, with thoughtful planning and communication, parents can create a positive and memorable holiday experience for their children, even when that experience is drastically different from the previous years.
Here are five practical tips for effective co-parenting during the holidays to help maintain the spirit of the season in the best interests of your children:
- Plan Ahead
One of the most important steps to successfully co-parent during the holidays is a clear plan and full communication of the plan. Ideally, an enforceable Parenting Plan Order should be in place to lower the risk of conflict between parents. However, if there is not one in place or it doesn’t clearly resolve all issues, the earlier both parents discuss their holiday plans, the less room there is for confusion or disagreements later on. Parents should discuss details like days and times for holiday parenting time as well as travel itinerary and accommodations, if any.
- The Parenting Plan is the Default
As previously mentioned, divorced or separated parents should have an enforceable Parenting Plan Order that outlines regular visitation schedules as well as extended holiday parenting time. Especially for those who have a high-conflict co-parent, following the terms of that plan unless mutually agreed upon modifications are made will likely ensure a smooth visitation period. Bonus tip: if changes to the schedule are warranted, give your co-parent as much advance notice as possible and make those changes in writing.
- The Key to Success is Flexibility
The holiday season can sometimes bring unexpected changes; parents may have to adjust due to illness, weather, or other unpredictable factors. When things don’t go according to plan, be patient and understanding. This is especially important for your children’s emotional well-being—children may struggle if they sense tension or conflict between parents. A little flexibility can go a long way in reducing stress for everyone.
- Focus on the Children’s Best Interests
The primary goal of co-parenting is always the children’s well-being. This is particularly true during the holidays. While both parents may have their own traditions and desires, it’s important to put the children and their routines, preferences, and comfort first during this time. If your children express excitement and interest in spending time with both of their parents, try to accommodate this as best as possible, even if it means rearranging your schedule. Further, demonstrate respect of the fact that your co-parent might have their own family traditions and time with the children. Consider creating new traditions instead of recreating past ones. This can help your children feel loved and connected to both sides of their family while forgetting about the abrupt and permanent change to the family dynamic.
Remember that the holidays are a time of joy, celebration, and family. While co-parenting might require more effort during this time, it’s also an opportunity to set a positive example for your children. Leave the conflict and argument for the courtroom; focus on creating new, meaningful memories with your children this holiday season.