If I asked you to tell me what you really, really want, would you know? Have you sat and thought about it? Have you worked through the nearly endless possibilities and parsed the genuine from the artificial, the core desire from the passing fancy, the utilitarian from the egoistic? If you put it all in a pot and boiled it down to its most essential elements, do you know what it would look like.
How about what you would want out of a divorce? If I asked you, do you know how you would answer? Would you tell me, “$5,000 in alimony for the rest of my life;” would you tell me “I don’t want to pay any alimony whatsoever.” Or would it be, “I don’t want him to ever see our son again;” or perhaps, “she should only have supervised visitation.” Or perhaps it would just be, “I need out; I just want out; get me out!”
Usually, when a divorce starts one quickly develops a laundry list of everything that could potentially be sought, whether or not there is actually a legal claim to it. The next work includes getting some answers on what is obtainable and then, what is reasonable. Opposition often helps crystalize thoughts. I’ve seen reasonable opposition push a party to be more reasonable. I’ve seen unreasonable opposition often push a party to be more determined and resolute.
So the key is spending a lot of time working through what you really, really want. Take the opportunity to learn about yourself. Figure out your priorities. Prioritize them. Seriously, list them out and then reorganize them until you have them in most important to least important order, one to 10. Then wrestle with them some more.
Honing in on your priorities allows us to pin-point our strategy to accomplish your ultimate objective. Knowing your ultimate objective allows us to focus like a laser, crafting all the effort into getting you what you want, what you really, really want.
It is not easy to synthesize all the possibilities into one, perfect outcome. It is harder still to stay on the course that accomplishes your best objectives as time takes its toll and the litigation sometimes knocks you about like a ship in a hurricane. It is hard to tack a true course when hard, harsh winds blow at you from every direction and going through a divorce can feel a lot like sailing through a hurricane.
But that is all the more reason to figure out your priorities and strategize your path so that when those hard, harsh winds shift your course and change your gaze, you can remember your goals and refocus again, getting back on the planned course toward your ultimate objective.
Ultimately, in a divorce, can you get what you want, what you really, really want? Most likely yes with the right strategy and relentlessly adhering to that right strategy. Knowing what you want, planning for getting what you want and focusing on achieving what you want will often prove successful. Sometimes it even makes you unstoppable.
So then, let’s talk. Tell me what you want, what you really, really want. Let’s make that happen.
Michael Manely