Tonight’s post about mindfulness was written by our newest, minted Marietta family law attorney, Alyssa Blanchard.
So you’re relationship has ended. Maybe you’re getting a divorce. You were married in front of all of your family and friends and thought that you would be together forever. You bought a house, had 2.5 children, spent years in marital bliss but suddenly things went south. He’s filed for divorce. Or maybe you have filed. Now it’s the beginning of the end.
Or perhaps you were never married. Instead, you were in a serious relationship. The both of you lived together, you shared a life, you share children and now it’s over. You’re frustrated. You’re hurt. You’re pissed. One thing is certain, it’s just not fair!
Whether you were married or just dating, the ending of a relationship is never easy, epecially when children are involved. Your emotions can get the best of you and in a family law matter where children are “at issue” it is easy for you to forget what is most important: the children.
In the midst of each parent wanting to play the blame game for why the relationship ended or trying to use the pending action as a tool of revenge to satisfy their emotions, sometimes the children are used as pawns. Guess who suffers the most? The children.
It is important to remember that, in addition to dealing with your relationship ending, there will be major changes for your children. Now, mommy and daddy are not in the same house. Now mommy and daddy don’t even like each other. Mommy and Daddy only argue when they speak. Mommy and Daddy no longer speak at all. If you are stressed and experiencing a mixture of emotions, just imagine what your children are going through.
There are many resources available to assist families in transition. For example, the Seminar For Divorcing Parents is a course taught by qualified professionals that teaches parents how to assist and understand their children’s needs during the emotional process. Depending on the needs of your children you may even consider speaking to a family counselor.
Just because you are getting a divorce or no longer in a relationship does not mean that you are no longer parents. Long after you receive your Final Judgement and Decree of Divorce, long after you receive your Final Order of Legitimation and Custody you will still be parents to your children. As parents, it is important that you work together whether you like it or not because no matter what, you are still parents.
Just remember, it’s not about you. It is about the children. Forget them not.
Alyssa Blanchard