You know the old adage that the sun will rise tomorrow? Well, it does. It always does. And life goes on after divorce.
There are a dozen ways (perhaps more) to arrive at a divorce. Some are on a train you drive. Some are on a train driven over you. And there is no predictor which route leads to happiness. Some would say it is the train you drive, but that can be like being miserable on a vacation because you took yourself. If the person you are ultimately trying to escape is you, divorce won’t change a thing.
Being the one run over by the train might suggest a future life of misery. But I haven’t found that to be the case, either. There is certainly an adjustment time for one who’s been left, but when that time passes, the light shines again, often with great brilliance because the dark cloud of the leaving spouse has been lifted. The left behind spouse finds out just what a burden the leaving spouse really had been all those years.
There is trauma in divorce. There is no argument against that. Frequent readers of this blog know that our firm works in the best interest of the whole family, trying to find most peaceful and just solution for all involved. We feel that the right result is in our client’s best interest in the long run. The clients who choose us feel that way, too.
The other side of the fence, the scorched earthers, certainly adhere to the sentiment that there is trauma. They seek it. They make it. They survive off of it like a vulture on carrion.
But even from a holistic perspective, there is still trauma. There is a wound and wounds take time to heal. Max Cleland wrote a book about being strong in the broken places. Divorce can yield that kind of opportunity.
At the risk of sounding like Little Orphan Annie, the sun will come out tomorrow. And the freedom and self discovery that can come from the traumatic experience of a divorce can be empowering, enobling and enriching.
As the saying goes, you’ve got to find your bliss. And sometimes your bliss isn’t tied to the one you once said “I do” to.
Michael Manely