Posted By Feelings || 28-Aug-2016

Feelings trump logic, every day, in every circumstance, always.

I’ve been working on this issue for a long, long time. And I’ve decided, unequivocally, that feeling trumps logic. Of course, that's how I feel.

No one has cornered on the market of rationalization. We all do it. We all feel what we want to decide, then find the data to support our conclusion. The loftier among us try to garner as many actual facts as possible to support what we want to do. The less earth bound just go with whatever feels right, facts be damned.

But in the end, our approach is the same. How do you feel about it? When you know that, that is what you ought to do.

In the realm of family law, we encounter this issue when a potential client is engaged with us in a consultation. They are laying out the facts like an equation. “Do I have enough to divorce her?”

There is no “enough” except in the context of when you have had it. There is no time when the Pope genuflects and sanctifies your desires. This decision, based upon an internal limit, is extremely, exceptionally personal. It cannot and is not otherwise.

It helps to catalog all the reasons, the transgressions, the disappointments, the lost opportunities. It definitely helps to have a logical answer to “what should I not have to endure,” but in the end, the line in the sand is the one you have drawn.

So make a list.  Spend a week on it, maybe more.  Write down every reason for and ever reason against.  Observe how you are already living.  Do you talk past each other as a routine now?  Do you only address the business of your marriage, where the kids need to be, finances? But ultimately, when is the last time you felt in love?  How do you feel?  When you sit in quiet, what does your heart tell you?  Soldier on?  Then do it.  That is your answer.  Escape for a brighter day?  Then it is time to go.

When is enough, enough?

You know that. No one else ever will. And your decision today, regardless of what it is, is the right one.  Today.

Michael Manely

Categories: Family Law

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