As a divorce attorney, I am often asked whether a reduction in spousal
sexual activity denotes foreign forays, or, whether waning woo means she's
pleasuring a paramour.
There are a number of straight up, spot on signs that your spouse is flat
out up to no good. But a down turn in afternoon delight is probably not
a particularly good one.
The cell phone is a big red flag. How does your spouse treat his/her phone?
Does it lay about for all the world, and particularly you, to see? Is
it password protected? These days that doesn't mean much because that
is generally a good idea, but is your spouse quite at ease with giving
you the password?
If you pick up the phone, does your spouse emit an an audible gasp or suddenly
start toward you as though you had just seized a vicious viper?
Does your spouse carry her phone with her at all times? Are they inseparable?
Does it seem as vital as a kidney, anymore?
Here's another big tell: missing time? Do you know where your spouse
is at all times? Maybe you don't want to be that nosy or that intrusive.
Maybe you don't want to come across as that insecure. But what do
you really know about your spouse's schedule?
When you think through what he does and where he is, is there time missing
there? Are there odd things like long walks through the park, alone? Is
the gym a claimed haven for hours on end? Do he have the body of Adonis
to show for it?
I'm not suggesting putting a GPS on your spouse's car. Often that
is illegal. But how about something far simpler? Many phones now have
a function that allows you to mutually keep track of each other. Would
your spouse consent to that?
How is your spouse around her computer? Has she given you every password?
Are you friends on Facebook? (If not, that's pretty telling anyway.)
Can you sit down at her computer, work on it at your leisure about as
readily and easily as you work at your own?
No secrets. I think that is the common thread. There should be no secrets. Secrets
and marriages just don't mix.
So waning woo is not the fatal tell of imminent divorce. There is always
a remedy for that, if one is wanted.
If there seems to be a secret in your marriage, let the bright sunshine
of inquiry flush it out. Remove the secret or at some point your spouse
will likely remove you.